Monday, October 13, 2014

To Whom it May Concern:




My sweet Adeline.  This is dedicated to you....My fierce, strong willed, beautiful, LARGER-THAN-LIFE, overly dramatic, adventurous, amusing, determined, yet oh so delicate Angel.  I hope you read this someday, and understand the importance it has, not just to in your life, but in the lives of many other young girls like you.  You are deserving of the world placed in your hands on a silver platter......You and every other young lady.  You are important, you should be heard.  You have a say in your life.  You ARE NOT a possession.  You are loved.  You are wonderfully, fantastically, amazingly, YOU!  Embrace it my sweet girl.  Embrace every ounce of life you can take in.  Live it to the fullest, and without regret.  Live it on your terms. Love with no limits. Be you.  Be Love.  Be happy.  Just BE!    You will do great things.  There is no doubt in my mind.



To whom  it may concern:

You don't deserve what has happened to you.  That light you forgot to turn off was an accident.  The towels that weren't hung evenly on the rack can be fixed later.  The crumbs on the floor aren't going anywhere.  They can wait.  Being home 5 minutes later than usual from work happens.  You can't control that.  The wrinkled sheets that you left in the dryer when your baby started fussing, or the phone rang, can be ironed later.  Leaving to visit your parents before picking up the house is not a sin.  Heating up leftovers instead of making a 5 course meal, after working a 10 hour day, happens.  Initiating conversations with others, in hopes of making a new friend, is completely normal.  Accidentally hanging a gray t-shirt in with a white one is OKAY. You don't deserve what has happened to you.  Everyone make mistakes.

Getting beat up over little mishaps is not okay!  You are a human being, you have feelings, emotions, your body understands pain, mentally and physically.  You should not be getting kicked around, slapped around, or belittled.  This is not okay.

 It is also not setting a good example for the future women of America.  Including my daughter.  My sweet  Adeline,  I don't believe that any other parents think it's okay that their sweet little girl is being hurt either.  Or do they even know?  How long have you been hiding the abuse , and explaining away the bruises, black eyes, cuts, scrapes, and fountain of tears?  How long have you been living in this situation and suffering in silence?  How many times has a weapon been pulled, a knife held to your throat, a gun held to your head? Can you even admit it to yourself?  This is a serious question.  Can you admit it?

To whom it may concern,

If you don't want to have sex, you don't have too.  Married or not.  Making you feel guilty over it, or claiming you must be cheating on them if you don't have sex with  them right this very second is emotional blackmail.  They know you will give into this blackmail just for the sake of peace in the home.  Sex for the sake of not being beaten, or to avoid emotional abuse is NOT love, it is a crime!  It is nothing less  than rape.  Married or not.  Don't forget, you are a person, a human, deserving of the right to a choice.  You are not a possession.  Yes, you heard me right.

To whom it may concern,

I have lived this life.  I am here admitting it.  I  did get away.  I did not suffer the unbearable amount of violence that so many have before me, and that so many continue to suffer through.  Mine  started with a fractured arm.  He was a drunk.  I came home from work at 2 am from my job waiting tables at Buffalo Wild Wings.  He was drunk, grabbed my arm, and flung me across the  room.  He asked me how many men hit on me that night while working the bar side of the restaurant.  When I told him to relax, no one was hitting on me, he went on to grab me by my throat, push me down the hall, bust the screen out of our 2nd story apt building, and try to push me through.  I was able to free myself, get to the ER, and have my arm looked at.  Their first question was "How did you hurt your arm?"  My answer is what sent my life into a downward spiral.  I lied.  I answered by saying "I fell down the stairs" From then on, it was excuse after excuse.  I was so scared, and embarrassed to tell the truth, that when I was given a black eye (while holding my 2 year old) and was knocked unconscious, people would ask what happened, and I would laugh and say "You'd be amazed at the strength of a 2 year old's right hook"  Yes,  I blamed the black eye on my 2 year old, and shoved it off as an accident during a rough housing episode.  I've been chased with knives, and held down on the floor with a knee in the chest, and two hands around my neck while my 2 year old son slept peacefully down the hall, never knowing that his mother was being strangled.  Guess what though?  I got brave.  I was bigger than him at the time.  I had put on a lot of weight because of the depression.  I felt I could take him.  I wiggled an arm free, and do you  know what I did????   I fought  back!!!  I punched him right in the face.  Blood spewed everywhere.  I took control.  I saved myself!  Guess what happened next though?  You're going to love this.  He called the cops on me.  ON ME!!!!  Reported that I was going crazy and beating him.  This is what an abuser does.  I don't have to tell you that though.  You too are living  this life.

To you, the person this concerns,

You can leave.  You can find a support system elsewhere if you don't have anyone to help you.  There are multiple shelters with safe guards in place.  Places like this fabulous organization called DomesticShelters.org  They will help you locate a shelter with just a few clicks of your mouse.  There are people who desperately want to help.  There are resources available.  YOU CAN DO THIS.

To whom it may concern,

Leaving is scary.  My Aunt left.  She got her divorce, and thought she was going to move on and be happy, and she was until she took her last breath.  Her ex-husband stalked her, got in to her house, and shot her in the back of the head with a sawed off shot gun while she was asleep, peacefully, next to a new man.  One who loved her, and cared for her.  One that made her smile everyday,  She knew she was going to die when she left.  She said it over and over.  She took every precaution, but it just wasn't enough.  She's gone.  She's left 3 children.  Her ex killed the new man in her life as well, then he turned the gun on himself.

This event tore us up.  This tragedy ripped our family to shreds.  The shine in the eyes of my family faded a little that day.  The happy go lucky days of family gatherings and laughter have lessened.  The laughter from the days before her passing are just an echo in my memories.  There isn't a day that any of us don't think about her.  These events stick with a family.  The pain fades, but doesn't leave.  The happiness returns, but it's tarnished.   The only glimmering eyes I see, are those of my babies.  My youngest most innocent baby helps keep the light flickering.  The innocence in her heart help make life simple again.  Sometimes life feels normal and unchanged.  I  have the innocents, the children,  my children, my cousin's children, all the children to thank for that.  The small pure souls of happy children bring my family back to life when they're around. Their unconditional love, their giggles, their smiles, their kind hearts.  They make things OKAY.  Even if it's just for a short time, it's better than no time.

To whom it may concern:
This was not meant to scare you away from leaving a bad situation.  This story, this very real story, was meant to prevent our future young ladies from getting into this kind of relationship.  The cycle needs to be broken, and it starts with us.  With moms raising good young men, and aware young women.

To whom it may concern,

I can't tell you what to do.  I can't tell you you're stupid for staying. I get it.  I can tell you that there are far more survivors than deaths.  I can tell you that it's really hard to break free of a cycle that is ingrained in you.  I can tell you that I do understand, and I don't judge you.  I can tell you that you aren't stupid, but you should find help.  I can tell you that I don't want you to end up dead.  I can tell you that abusers do not change.  Don't believe them.  Their pleas for a second chance are nothing more than an emotional attack on your already fragile soul.  It's just more manipulation to keep you under their thumb....to keep them in control.  I can tell  you that they do mean business when it comes to NEEDING that control over you.  I can tell you that YOU, the person this concerns, DESERVES HAPPINESS.  Yes, you!

Sincerely,
Tia
www.mypleasantnightmare.com
Domestic Violence Awareness Advocate
Mother of a beautiful daughter, and two sweet boys.


 My family and I doing a walk for Domestic Violence Awareness.

You can watch the walk video here.  They interviewed my grandma, and a woman who survived be shot in the back of the head. A woman's strength is truly amazing!! 


How can you tell if your daughter may be in a potentially abusive situation?  Assess her situation using these guidelines that I borrowed from West Island Women's Shelter

How can I tell if a man I’m seeing will become abusive? Early Warning Signs:

He speak disrespectfully about his former partners
A certain amount of anger and resentment toward an ex-partner is normal, but beware of the man who is very focused on his bitterness or who tells you about it inappropriately early on in your dating. Be especially cautious of the man who talks bout women from his past in degrading or condescending ways or who characterizes himself as a victim of abuse by women. Be alert if he says that his previous wife or girlfriend falsely accused him of being abusive-try to get her side of the story. Be cautious of a man who says that you are nothing like the other women he has been involved with, that you are the first partner to treat him well, or that earlier women in his life have not understood him.

He is disrespectful towards you
Disrespect is the soil in which abuse grows. If a man puts you down or sneers at your opinions, if he is rude to you in front of others, if he is cutting or sarcastic, he is communicating a lack of respect.

He does favors that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable
These can be signs of a man who is attempting to create a sense of indebtedness.

He is possessive and jealous
Jealous behavior is one of the surest signs that abuse is down the road. Possessiveness masquerades as love. Jealous feelings are not the same as behaviours. A man with insecurities may naturally feel anxious about your associations with other men, especially ex-partners, and might want some reassurance. But if he indicates that he expects you to give up your freedom to accommodate his jealousy, control is creeping up. Possessiveness shows that he doesn’t love you as an independent human being but rather as a guarded treasure. After a while you will feel suffocated by his constant vigilance.

He is self-centered            
Watch out for a man that does most of the talking, listens poorly when you speak, chronically switches the topic of conversation back to himself. Self-Centeredness is a personality characteristic that is highly resistant to change, as it has deep roots in profound entitlement or to severe emotional injuries (in non abusers) or both (in narcissistic abusers)      

Nothing is ever his fault
He blames something or someone for anything that goes wrong. As time goes by, his target of blame increasingly becomes you. He may make promises he can’t keep, coming up with a stream of excuses for disappointing you or behaving irresponsibly, and perhaps taking serious economic advantage of you in the process.

He gets too serious too quickly about the relationship
Watch out if he jumps too soon into planning your future together without taking enough time to get to know you and grow close, because it can mean he’s trying to wrap you up tightly into a package that he can own. If he won’t respect your wishes to slow things down, there is probably trouble ahead.

He abuses drugs or alcohol
Although substances do not cause partner abuse, they often go hand in hand.

He pressures you for sex
Not respecting your wishes or feelings regarding sex speaks of exploitativeness, which in turn goes with abuse. It also is a sign of seeing women as sex objects rather than human beings. If he says you need to have sex with him to prove that you truly love and care for him, this is a sure sign of abusiveness.

He intimidates you when he is angry
Intimidation, even if it appears unintentional, is a sure sign that emotional abuse is on the way-or has already begun-and is a warning flag that physical violence may eventually follow.
Intimidation includes:
  • Getting too close to you when he is angry, putting a finger in your face, poking you, pushing you, blocking your way or restraining you.
  • He tells you that he is “just trying to make you listen.”
  • He raises a fist, towers over you, shouts at you, or behaves in any way that makes you flinch or feel afraid.
  • He makes vaguely threatening comments, such as, “you don’t want to see me mad” or “you don’t know who you’re messing with.”
  • He drives recklessly or speeds up when he is angry.
  • He punches walls or kicks doors.
  • He throws things around, even if they don’t hit you.

He has double standards
Beware of a man who has a different set of rules for his behavior than for yours.

He has negative attitudes toward women
Stereotyped beliefs about women’s sex roles also contribute to the risk of abuse. His conviction that women should take care of the home, or that a man’s career is more important than woman’s, can become a serious problem, because he may punish you when you start refusing to live in his box.  Women sometimes find it challenging to meet men who don’t have restrictive beliefs about women’s roles, particularly within certain cultural or national groups, but the effort to meet such men is an important one. 

He treats you differently around other people
Adult abusers tend to put on a show of treating their partners like gold when everyone is watching, reserving most of their abuse for times when no one else will see. In teenage abusers, the opposite is often true. He may be rude and cold with her in front of other people to impress his friends with how “in control” and “cool” he is but be somewhat nicer when they are alone together.

He appears to be attracted to vulnerability
Some abusive men are attracted to women much younger and/or at different developmental and maturity levels than them, or they may be attracted to women that have had a recent traumatic experience. He is attracted to the power imbalance in this type of relationship.


Monday, May 26, 2014

Moodstruck 3D Fiber Lashes Review!



I'm super excited today, because I got the chance to review Younique's Moodstruck 3D Fiber Lashes, courtesy of one of their wonderful Independent Presenters, Ceani Singler



Younique is a company that makes great skincare products and their mission is to uplift, empower, validate and ultimately help build the self-esteem of women around the world.  Who wouldn't want to shop with a company like that??  

It was a little intimidating at first.  I had this long list of instructions, and I'm overwhelmed easily.  However, once I took a breath, and actually looked, I realized that they weren't as long as they appeared. There are only 4 steps. haha  The paper just made it look like there were more.  There are plenty of tips included on this paper that help you achieve the ultimate lash.  For that, I am thankful.  



Do you want to see a picture of me BEFORE any makeup??  Okay, don't get excited.  Put the jokes back in their box.  I cheater and cropped most of my face out.  I can hear each of you sighing "awwwwww man."  Stop it!  hehe

Okay, NO MAKEUP TIA:::




Boring, blah, non existent eyes, right?!

Now I want to show you how I look in my Mega Protein lashes made by Wet n Wild.  Stop judging me.  I was broke when I bought it.  


Not horrible, right??  I didn't think so either, UNTIL this happened::




Yeah, pretty freaking AMAZING HUH???  
Helloooooo Smokey Eye!  Where have you been all my life?
Want to see some more?  Yes?  Thought so!  




Moral of the story?  No matter how awesome you *THINK* your lashes are, they can be way more awesomer.  Yeah, I said "awesomer".  That's how much awesomeness I am feeling right now.  

If you have any questions, or want to purchase this product, or any others because they have TONS of amazing products (like the eye shadow that comes in the EYE-tastic Collection, I'm wearing in these pics)
Please don't hesitate to contact Ceani (it's pronounce like Jenny but with a shhhhh) at:: (808)228-4997
or via email at photogchic08@gmail.com

You can also purchase directly at

If you you purchase before the month of May(2014) is over, you can get in on the May Kudos Special for only $50!!


This Exclusive Mini Collection contains a 3D Fiber Lashes, Luxe Lip Gloss, Angelic and Confident Mineral Pigment Powders, included in a limited-edition Younique makeup pouch. You get all of this for only $50 USD/$60 CAD /$65 AUS. The products inside the Mini Collection would normally retail for $64 USD/$77 CAD / $84 AUS. That is a saving of $14/$17/$19 and the exclusive pouch is include for FREE!



Don't miss out on this great deal!!



Now that you've finished reading, and made your purchase, check out a giveaway I'm hosting.







http://www.mypleasantnightmare.com/2014/05/perfectly-posh-giveaway.html

Monday, April 21, 2014

Making Time for Play Time


Making Time for Play Time





For busy, always on-the-go moms, finding the time to take a shower can be difficult. So it comes as no surprise when making time for your partner gets put on the back burner, too. Between playing taxi for the kids, running errands, and getting dinner on the table by a reasonable hour (aka before it’s time to start the hour-long bedtime routine for your youngest), it’s a wonder your love life even makes the long to-do list. It’s easy to forget in the daily chaos of life that though our top priority might be our children, we’re also one-half of a couple. In a recent survey by Parenting and HLN’s Raising America, “30 percent [of parents] only get it on once or twice a month.” Looking to give your love life a boost? Here are some easy tips to spice things up.

Make an Appointment for Making Love

As unsexy as it may sound, scheduling one-on-one time with your other half, sans kids, is a surefire way to make sure sex at least gets a spot on the agenda. Make a note in your planner of the day and time, or program it into your phone and set an alarm. After all, your kids have scheduled playdates, so why shouldn’t you? To keep scheduled sex feeling spontaneous, think outside of the box... and the bedroom. Explore different rooms that you normally wouldn’t get frisky in—the kitchen, laundry room, foyer, upstairs hallway, anywhere that puts you in the mood. It’s hard for sex to feel like an appointment when it takes place in an exciting, never-been-here-before spot. Kids always around? Find a sitter and head out, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. The back row of a movie theater was made for quickies.

Send a Sext or Two

It’s often difficult to keep things sexy when you and your partner only see each other in the early mornings before kids and work take over and then later on at night over dinner, homework, and preparations for the next day. Take a moment during the day to send your lover a text or email of the more sexual nature. As Redbook notes, expressing yourselves with titillating messages keeps the spark alive even when the two of you are apart. By the time you’re reunited later that day, you’ll both be feeling hot and bothered.

Play with Toys

If you and your partner are feeling adventurous, toys are a great way to liven things up in the boudoir. Start with some fuzzy handcuffs and warming lube for a teasing appetizer before delving into battery-operated territory. No longer just for solo play, some sex toys are designed specifically for the pleasure of both partners, making them a wonderful option for added excitement. According to Adam & Eve, vibrating penis rings, or cock rings, are incredibly popular, as they are one of the few sex toys that pleasures both men and women at the same time. For an even hotter night in, go shopping for your new toys together pre-romp, allowing your imaginations (and hands) to wander as you make your way down aisle after naughty aisle.

By making sex a priority in an otherwise hectic week, your love life can go from boring to roaring. Even though you adore your kids, after trying out some of these stimulating options, you might find yourself calling that sitter more often.

Monday, November 25, 2013

A Christmas Story Lamp Giveaway!! You know You Want It!


Have you ever seen A Christmas Story? If you haven't then you might not understand this giveaway. Although,  I'd put money on the fact that the greater population has seen it. It's become a holiday tradition to watch it at least once a year with the family. It's total innocent comedy.

A group of bloggers and myself ran across this lamp and thought it would make the perfect fun giveaway for the holidays! We made it happen and we're giving it away to one lucky winner.

You can choose to enter this giveaway for yourself or give it away as a gift! I know, you're probably betting on getting the Red Rider, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle but trust me. You'll shoot your eye out kid. You could hope for a bunny suit but come on, that's just ridiculous.

Plus this lamp is FRA-GEE-LAY. It must be Italian.

Enter the rafflecopter below for your chance to get your paws on this amazing lamp! 




Giveaway Terms:
You must be 18 or older to enter
Shipping to the US only
All entries will be verified, no one likes a cheater
Unconventional Mommy Tails is responsible for shipment of the prize
Winner must respond to the email with 48 hours of it being sent out or a new winner will be chosen
Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and Bloglovin are in no way associated with this giveaway





a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyrighted by My Pleasant Nightmare

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...